Canadian researchers claim dodgeball is oppressive
So, I’m a little bit late to the party on this one, but it’s mostly because when I first saw this story on the National Post of researchers begging schools to ban dodgeball for being oppressive, I thought it was just really, really good satire. Unfortunately, I was mistaken.
According to “researchers,” a term which has decreased in value faster than late 2000’s Blackberry Stock, dodgeball isn’t just some harmless game apart of a meaningless easy-A highschool class. No, what dodgeball actually is, is yet another tool of oppression, meant to dominate the weak!
According to UBC professor Joy Butler, dodgeball’s seemingly harmless ways, actually contain a “hidden curriculum” which is antithetical to the empowerment of students!
David Burns, professor of educational studies at Kwantlen Polytechnic University, claims there is a core issue within dodgeball that makes it a particularly nasty sport. The moral problem with dodgeball, he says, is that it encourages students to aggressively single out others for dominance. That dodgeball, as a sport, encourages brash displays of power and ability, by whipping a ball at a helpless victim.
In the 2004 comedy Dodgeball, Patches O’Houlihan claims the five D’s of dodgeball are “dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.” The real five D’s are “demoralizing, dehumanizing, destructive, disheartening, and dread.”
To subject our weakest members of society who surely thrive in no other areas in life must come to an end, no matter what! As we all know, every single thing that exists can be broken down to one question, “who has the power?” So what are the steps that need to be taken to ensure that dodgeball becomes a fair, balanced, and un-oppressive game?
Perhaps dodgeball is too entrenched in its oppressive ways to change. So, let’s just make a new game altogether to replace dodgeball! Luckily for you, dear oppressed reader, we have gone through the trouble of concocting a new game, specifically designed to even the playing field. We’ve named it “Fair dodgeball,” and it’s destined to be a much fairer game than the old oppressive dodgeball. The rules will go as followed:
RULE 1: Larger, stronger, and faster players cannot touch a ball
As we all know, it’s generally those who are unfairly athletically gifted who succeed most in dodgeball, and thus, are the perpetrators of the most oppressive actions. To ensure that overly-abled bodied participants don’t have a fair advantage, we will remove one of their chief tools of oppression… The dodgeball. This will ensure that any weaker, slower, or agility-challenged players have a better chance of succeeding.
RULE 2: Weaker players cannot be eliminated (by violence)
To ensure that the power imbalance is minimized, we need to ensure that players prone to elimination have a safety net. To ensure that their participation is not undervalued, we will ensure that oppressed players cannot be eliminated from the game, all but guaranteeing that their presence on the team is appreciated. This also ensures that these players can only be eliminated by having someone on the opposing team catch a ball thrown by them.
RULE 3: The winning team is publicly shamed
As a final touch, we will make sure that the winners of fair dodgeball don’t feel good about their oppressing of weaker individuals. So, whenever a team wins in fair dodgeball, they will be pilloried, and have tomatoes thrown at them until they admit that their actions were oppressive and unnecessary. The losing team is then rewarded $5000 of taxpayer money.
No, it doesn’t matter that all you have to do to get an A in gym class is to arrive on time and give no more than 30% of an effort. Those who are oppressed go through enough in life, and a much fairer dodgeball is a necessity in today’s modern society.
It’s 2019. It’s about time we talk about dodgeball.
Meghan Markle is looking into real estate in the prestigious West Vancouver market according to The Sun. One particular mansion has caught her eye: a beautiful 6,900-square foot waterfront home selling at just over $35 million dollars according to the Vancouver Sun.
There are a total of six bedrooms and five bathrooms in the four-story mansion complete with full-length panoramic windows that offer breathtaking views of both the ocean and the city skyline.
Security is clearly a concern for the rogue royals but it won’t be a concern at this estate which is surrounded by gates, screen hedges and a 20-foot beachside wall behind the property.
“The neighbourhood is a known haven for wealthy people and has a very laid-back atmosphere. I’m sure they would be very happy there, and they would be welcomed with open arms.” said one estate agent source. “Meghan has expressed an interest in this beautiful house. It would be perfect for her, Harry and little Archie.”
The house is located in Kitsilano, one of the most desirable neighbourhoods in Vancouver. The residence is 108-years-old runs along a street of prized billionaire’s dubbed “Golden Miles.”
“The area is particularly sought after by super-rich and image-conscious young achievers.” said one real estate expert. “But best of all for Harry and Meghan, it’s quiet and locals respect each other and value their privacy. They’d fit in very well.”
Canadian billionaire founder of the uber-trendy Lululemon Athletica yoga gear brand, Chip Wilson, would be a neighbour should the couple decide to buy. His mansion is worth about $64 million. Meghan Markle has been public about her love for yoga, pilates, and the Lululemon brand.
The new mansion is a long way from the Frogmore Cottage in the grounds of Home Park, Windsor. The Queen is apparently “privately furious” at the couple for the money spent to renovate the Frogmore Cottage prior to the decision to move to Canada. Frogmore has been the home of the couple ever since their publicly-funded wedding that came in at $40 million dollars. The Queen is said to be “privately furious” at the money spent on Frogmore Cottage renovations following Prince Harry and Meghan’s announcement they are moving abroad. The royal couple have lived there since their publicly-funded $40-million-dollar wedding.
General trade union Unifor’s president Jerry Dias was arrested by Regina Police Monday evening during a workers’ demonstration against Federated Co-op Ltd., a wholesaling, manufacturing, marketing and administrative co-operative in the agricultural industry.
“We’re standing up for workers’ pensions. We’re standing up for workers’ rights. And this is how they treat use here. We’ll stand every day to defend workers,” said western regional director of Unifor Gavin McGarrigle in a short video posted by Unifor’s Twitter account. The footage shows Dias and McGarrigle being dragged away by Regina Police.
In the tweet Unifor describes Federated Co-op Ltd. as “greedy” and called for people to “BoycottCoop”.
“FCL has made it clear for many months that we respect the collective bargaining process and have on a number of occasions presented modifications to our proposals. In response, Unifor 594 has demanded that FCL agree to an ‘irrevocable clause’ guaranteeing no changes – now or ever – to the defined benefits (DB) pension plan before any further talks could take place,” said FCL president of the board Sharon Alford in a statement, saying the strike was caused by Unifor.
“We simply cannot agree to that demand, and as a result, no meaningful bargaining has taken place since Unifor 594 stopped talking on Sept. 26, 2019 (including during the mediation that took place in October). Again, it is worth noting that the CRC did not commence construction of business continuity facilities on-site until the final, Unifor-driven break down of mediation in October,” Alford continued.
“Unifor members have a right to picket; Co-op has a right to conduct business. In an emotionally charged environment, there will be disagreements, but the Regina Police Service continues to communicate very closely with both parties in the dispute,” read a statement sent out by Regina Police Service Monday before the arrest.
Regina Police also advised motorists to stay away from the area where the workers were picketing was causing traffic delays.
Dias is a prominent union president who has previously said “f**k you” to Ontario Premier Doug Ford and attacked Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer on behalf of thousands of journalists and other media industry workers when Unifor actively pursued a bailout for the industry from the federal government.
Unifor is a very influential and large union in Canada representing tens of thousands of workers, including in telecommunications, media, transportation (road, air, rail and marine), forestry, energy, mining, fisheries, construction, manufacturing, education, health care, etc.
A new poll has shown that more than 50 percent of Canadians think that 2019 was a bad year for Canada, according to Global News.
The poll captured the opinions of Canadians on a wide range of subjects, including climate change and the economy, along with other minor issues. The most pressing issues, however, were subjects like climate change and wealth inequality, which Canadians are particularly pessimistic about.
on top of this, a significant amount of Canadians (29 percent) said that they were lonely “most of the time.” Another cause for concern was global warming, where 75 percent of Canadians expected global temperatures to increase.
Despite these results, the Vice President of Ipsos still thinks Canadians are feeling positive about life in Canada: “You know, while some things that Canadians are worried about have met these negative predictions … I do think that on the whole, they are feeling positive.”
This accompanies the sentiment of positivity that Canadians feel about 2020. Over three-quarters of Canadians feel that the new year will produce better results than the last year.
Nevertheless, the majority of Canadians feel that under Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, the economy will get worse in 2020. This negativity pales in comparison to other countries, who have expressed a far more negative outlook.
Beloved Canadian Mike Sloan, who made his fight with cancer public on Twitter, has passed away.
Sloan had been suffering from Stage 4 Anaplastic Thyroid Cancer, initially being given only six months to live, outliving the diagnosis by four months.
Sloan was known for his clever observations, which included everything from his cat to Canadian politics.
The deeply personal tweets gave insight into what it was like to stare death in the face, and the perspective of someone who knows their days are numbered.
The London, Ontario native was followed by several Canadian personalities and political figures, including This Hour‘s Rick Mercer, Arlene Dickinson, Bill Morneau, and Michelle Rempel.
In a tweet, it was announced that Sloan passed peacefully at 1:25 pm EST via MAID (medically assisted in dying.) His last words were “Tell Chub (his cat) I love him.”